He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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