I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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