yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
