On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
