girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
