Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
