You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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