Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Mom said you looked used
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
