So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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