Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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