WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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