i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
