Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she looked like the before picture.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
