Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
