I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
