There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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