My friends, they love my intelligence
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
