How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize