here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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