so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
