FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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