I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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