Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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