better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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