Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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