i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
