I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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