oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
