he wants to bone in the snuggie
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
