Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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