google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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