It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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