I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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