Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
