You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
