just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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