This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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