as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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