i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
