I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
