what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
