the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
