i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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