Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
