we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
