i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
