Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
it's like iHOP with fire
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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