You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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