Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
