I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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