There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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