Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
