where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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