Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
