So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
