Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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