I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
