I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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