but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
