wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
