woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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