He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
