So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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