its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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