I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
