My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
