I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
