just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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