I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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