can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
