This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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