Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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