How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
