I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
