Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
